it's at the bottom of the list. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. and all the other ones sound so much nicer. love, joy, peace - who wouldn't want those. patience is good, kindness is great, goodness and faithfulness are wonderful qualities.
then we have self control. death of the flesh. denying ourselves. it just doesn't have the same ring, you know? but it is the fruit of the same Spirit as all the others. and i'm not saying it isn't desirable. but the process of acquiring self control doesn't sound very, um, pleasant. the path to that destination is frought with all the emotions that make it so very clear that i need some self control.
when i was a kid we had a record (not tape, not cd, a record) about the fruits of the spirit: the music machine. i didn't even like the self control song.
once i had a knot in my shoe and it would not come loose
i tried and tried and pried and pried, but it would not come loose
i got so mad i kicked the door and stubbed my little toe, oh!
if only i had learned a little bit of self control.
self control is just controlling myself
it's listening to my heart
and doing what is smart
self control is the very best way to go
so i guess that i'll control myself
as if it was that easy. "i guess i'll just control myself." oh, okay. i just will. no problem. aaack!
it's not that easy. and in my experience, the only place to get the power to control myself is to get it from the One who has all power. and it kind of reminds me of this little netbook i'm using to write (delightful machine except that every time i try to capitalize something i hit the up arrow and wind up somewhere else on the page). it only lasts a very short time without being plugged into the wall. the battery life on it (and me) is low.
i can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength. but only through Him, can i do all things. i cannot do all things if i try to do them without being connected to Him. (this is beginning to sound like geometry)
all i need to control myself is self control. just that easy. just that quick.
but i will say this. i have a little more self control today than i had yesterday. it's like a muscle. the more you use it the stronger it gets. and if i get it, i can train it into my children. my little seed can grow into a mighty crop of self controlled ness. we'll have self control sprouting up all over the place.
so i guess that i'll control myself.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
talk about . . . free
the 'free' day
a few years back, my husband and i and some close friends all did the 'body for life' diet together. in it, you eat and work out in a very specific way for 6 days, and then you have a free day. after our first week, they came over and we ordered pizza and made a pan of brownies. before the evening was over, we each were in a different bathroom with a bellyache and a smell, 'celebrating' our 'free'day. we called it the free day blues.
the biggest loser book also advocates a free day or free meal once a week or so. so, the last two weeks i have had a 'free' meal. this is supposed to, in my understanding, sort of hit re-set on your body. it's as if, after a week of restricted calories, your body might think there's a famine and go into conservation mode. the free day/meal lets your body know you still live in the land of plenty and it's okay to burn all the calories you've been storing away for years.
here's the problem: i have a food addiction. i am a slave to my appetite. and every free day, i'm going back to slavery. i'm not just choosing a few select foods that i've been missing in particular. i'm choosing an occasion (like a birthday party) where i know i'll have trouble controlling what i eat, and deciding, i'm not even going to try. i'm going to eat the world. that's my plan. so i go and eat like an actual fool, and when it's over, maybe i still haven't had the kind of food i really was missing or wanting. i took in an extra DAY'S worth of calories, but i'm not satisfied.
so i need to rethink what a free day is. i need to think about what 'free' is. free means i'm not in bondage, not a slave. so, next time i'm due for a free meal, i need a plan - what do i really want to eat. maybe hitting a restaurant or even making something special at home would be better. just not a binge fest. because binging is not free. it's just not. free.
a few years back, my husband and i and some close friends all did the 'body for life' diet together. in it, you eat and work out in a very specific way for 6 days, and then you have a free day. after our first week, they came over and we ordered pizza and made a pan of brownies. before the evening was over, we each were in a different bathroom with a bellyache and a smell, 'celebrating' our 'free'day. we called it the free day blues.
the biggest loser book also advocates a free day or free meal once a week or so. so, the last two weeks i have had a 'free' meal. this is supposed to, in my understanding, sort of hit re-set on your body. it's as if, after a week of restricted calories, your body might think there's a famine and go into conservation mode. the free day/meal lets your body know you still live in the land of plenty and it's okay to burn all the calories you've been storing away for years.
here's the problem: i have a food addiction. i am a slave to my appetite. and every free day, i'm going back to slavery. i'm not just choosing a few select foods that i've been missing in particular. i'm choosing an occasion (like a birthday party) where i know i'll have trouble controlling what i eat, and deciding, i'm not even going to try. i'm going to eat the world. that's my plan. so i go and eat like an actual fool, and when it's over, maybe i still haven't had the kind of food i really was missing or wanting. i took in an extra DAY'S worth of calories, but i'm not satisfied.
so i need to rethink what a free day is. i need to think about what 'free' is. free means i'm not in bondage, not a slave. so, next time i'm due for a free meal, i need a plan - what do i really want to eat. maybe hitting a restaurant or even making something special at home would be better. just not a binge fest. because binging is not free. it's just not. free.
Friday, January 22, 2010
momentum
i'm lacking momentum. the will to believe that if i go in my laundry room and begin to fold, then it will look different when i'm finished. that i will have the will power to make my children put their clothes away tomorrow. the will to put the dirty dishes in the dishwashers my boys unloaded, to wipe off the table before whatever is all over it turns to cement that can only be removed with toxic chemicals or a blow torch. the will to find my way through any of the small mountains of clutter that collect when tall people put precious things where small can't reach. the will to keep eating healthy, to keep exercising, to drink water, to keep up with my eldest in reading our Bibles through.
i just want to sit down with a tub of cookie dough and a cup of coffee and play spider solitaire for about 4 hours. except that, really, i don't. because i had a good day. not fun, but good. and i do believe, unless i'm mistaken, that the satisfaction from having a good day might just possibly feel better than an evening of cookie coffee solitaire. who-da-thunk?
alright. i'll load the dishwasher and do the laundry.
i just want to sit down with a tub of cookie dough and a cup of coffee and play spider solitaire for about 4 hours. except that, really, i don't. because i had a good day. not fun, but good. and i do believe, unless i'm mistaken, that the satisfaction from having a good day might just possibly feel better than an evening of cookie coffee solitaire. who-da-thunk?
alright. i'll load the dishwasher and do the laundry.
Aaaarrrgh.
Healthy food does not equal low calorie food.
Today I made pancakes. Fresh ground wheat. Honey instead of sugar. Olive oil instead of vegetable oil. Cooking spray instead of butter. Blueberries instead of chocolate chips. No butter, no syrup. Sounds great, right? Except that I ate 5. Nearly 500 calories for that healthy breakfast.
I won't eat so many next time. They were delicious, and I thought, hey, they're good for me. If 3 is good, 5 is better.
Not so.
The solution (not hard since my belly is soooo full of healthy pancakes) is a light lunch. That's a can-do good buddy (Dukes of Hazzard, ca. 1980). Maybe a cup of chili (my chili is 141 calories).
Today I made pancakes. Fresh ground wheat. Honey instead of sugar. Olive oil instead of vegetable oil. Cooking spray instead of butter. Blueberries instead of chocolate chips. No butter, no syrup. Sounds great, right? Except that I ate 5. Nearly 500 calories for that healthy breakfast.
I won't eat so many next time. They were delicious, and I thought, hey, they're good for me. If 3 is good, 5 is better.
Not so.
The solution (not hard since my belly is soooo full of healthy pancakes) is a light lunch. That's a can-do good buddy (Dukes of Hazzard, ca. 1980). Maybe a cup of chili (my chili is 141 calories).
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
binge
i binged tonight. my breakfast was leftover thai curry cashew chicken, my lunch was a nice but too big for lunch italian feast at a friend's house, and my supper was appropriately conservative.
then i binged. i felt out of control and was eating for comfort. i was upset. a lyric off an iphone commercial on youtube pulled me out, of all things. but i ate (don't laugh - it's the out of control that makes it a binge) 4 or so bites of turkey, most of a turkey and cheese tortilla, two cups of hot chocolate, and about 4 bites of frozen cheese cake.
it's not a bad binge, but i didn't need any of it, none of it did me any good (except the turkey), and i felt lousy.
but! i jumped right on the treadmill, did my 390 calories (uphill both ways, and i was grateful) and i think i'm still on track to go where i want to go.
now, class, what should i have done when i was upset? yes, i should have gone to the piano or gotten out my Bible and worked it out properly. instead of trying to cover it up with comfort food, i should have prayed it out. lesson learned.
then i binged. i felt out of control and was eating for comfort. i was upset. a lyric off an iphone commercial on youtube pulled me out, of all things. but i ate (don't laugh - it's the out of control that makes it a binge) 4 or so bites of turkey, most of a turkey and cheese tortilla, two cups of hot chocolate, and about 4 bites of frozen cheese cake.
it's not a bad binge, but i didn't need any of it, none of it did me any good (except the turkey), and i felt lousy.
but! i jumped right on the treadmill, did my 390 calories (uphill both ways, and i was grateful) and i think i'm still on track to go where i want to go.
now, class, what should i have done when i was upset? yes, i should have gone to the piano or gotten out my Bible and worked it out properly. instead of trying to cover it up with comfort food, i should have prayed it out. lesson learned.
what i've learned so far . . .
it is easier to eat the right number of calories than it is to eat healthy. i ate an appropriate number of calories today, but nary a vegetable crossed my lips. i can squeeze in things i love as long as the calorie number works. now, this is still an improvement - eating a little unhealthy food is better than eating a lot of unhealthy food. self control is good. but it is not the same as building the body God gave me with nutritious food.
i know how to eat at home or at a restaurant (not buffet). i don't know how to eat at someone else's home or if someone cooks for me at my house. i'm sure that whole "support network" should come into play here, but does that mean - please, no one invite me to a birthday party, or next time i have a baby, please don't bring me any meals unless they are healthy veggies, whole grains and lean meats? maybe. i don't know.
i can do way more exercise than i would have thought. i am inspired by the biggest loser contestents. i'm not smaller than all of them, but i'm not as big as most of them. my motto is: if they can, i can. if they can do 3 mph on a 7% incline treadmill for 5 minutes, so can i.
working out at night gives me more energy the next day, not less, and takes nothing from my family (as long as i don't do it every day - not ever going to bed with my husband is not okay).
the ungodly belief that "even if i lose weight, nobody keeps weight off, it is impossible to change" is a lie from hell and it is contrary to the character and nature of God. i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
i know how to eat at home or at a restaurant (not buffet). i don't know how to eat at someone else's home or if someone cooks for me at my house. i'm sure that whole "support network" should come into play here, but does that mean - please, no one invite me to a birthday party, or next time i have a baby, please don't bring me any meals unless they are healthy veggies, whole grains and lean meats? maybe. i don't know.
i can do way more exercise than i would have thought. i am inspired by the biggest loser contestents. i'm not smaller than all of them, but i'm not as big as most of them. my motto is: if they can, i can. if they can do 3 mph on a 7% incline treadmill for 5 minutes, so can i.
working out at night gives me more energy the next day, not less, and takes nothing from my family (as long as i don't do it every day - not ever going to bed with my husband is not okay).
the ungodly belief that "even if i lose weight, nobody keeps weight off, it is impossible to change" is a lie from hell and it is contrary to the character and nature of God. i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Friday, January 15, 2010
how it goes
it's been about 6 days. i have lost 8 lbs. some of that is just the first lbs of flubber getting pooped out.
i've been on the treadmill 4 or 5 times, burning between 240 and 530 calories. it was way easier last night than the first night. my blisters are gone, my feet don't hurt as much and i can go higher, faster and longer, and still feel good at the end. part of me wants to just keep going when i feel that good. after all, hours and hours of cardio is what helps the biggest losers be big losers. but i have to be wife and mom too, and sleep is required for that. (i think sleep is also required for weight loss.)
i've not started any of the strength training things. so that's my new goal. i think it is possible to have the weights with me during school and do it while i teach. is that crazy? we shall see. i AM the amazing supermom.
i'm using sparkpeople.com for monitoring what i'm eating. it doesn't make it easy to enter anything you make yourself. but it does a good job of showing how all the little things add up. i've also found that it really helps to enter what i plan on eating ahead of time, tweak it to make the calories what i want them to be, and then follow that plan, rather than trying to remember everything i ate and report that. i tend to forget things that way - like a half banana that got left on the table.
tonight i'm going out with a friend. i know where we're going, so i looked up the restaurant's menu and figured out what i will eat - so pleased that one of my favs is among the lower calorie options. french dip and fruit salad. then i sent my friend an e-mail and told her ahead of time that i won't be having dessert (sometimes we split a dessert).
saturday i'm going to a birthday party, philippino style. i will eat very conservatively during the day, and have a free night at the party. beeko, baby!
i've been on the treadmill 4 or 5 times, burning between 240 and 530 calories. it was way easier last night than the first night. my blisters are gone, my feet don't hurt as much and i can go higher, faster and longer, and still feel good at the end. part of me wants to just keep going when i feel that good. after all, hours and hours of cardio is what helps the biggest losers be big losers. but i have to be wife and mom too, and sleep is required for that. (i think sleep is also required for weight loss.)
i've not started any of the strength training things. so that's my new goal. i think it is possible to have the weights with me during school and do it while i teach. is that crazy? we shall see. i AM the amazing supermom.
i'm using sparkpeople.com for monitoring what i'm eating. it doesn't make it easy to enter anything you make yourself. but it does a good job of showing how all the little things add up. i've also found that it really helps to enter what i plan on eating ahead of time, tweak it to make the calories what i want them to be, and then follow that plan, rather than trying to remember everything i ate and report that. i tend to forget things that way - like a half banana that got left on the table.
tonight i'm going out with a friend. i know where we're going, so i looked up the restaurant's menu and figured out what i will eat - so pleased that one of my favs is among the lower calorie options. french dip and fruit salad. then i sent my friend an e-mail and told her ahead of time that i won't be having dessert (sometimes we split a dessert).
saturday i'm going to a birthday party, philippino style. i will eat very conservatively during the day, and have a free night at the party. beeko, baby!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
39 by 39
that's my goal. to lose 39 lbs by my 39th birthday, roughly 5 months. here's my plan:
to walk/run off 390 calories on the treadmill every day
to strength train either 39 flights of stairs or 39 reps (3 x 13) of arm/back/chest, etc.
to drink 139 oz. water a day
to eat pretty much according to the biggest loser book (got it for Christmas)
i have blisters on my footpads, but am encouraged in my heart.
tomorrow after lunch i will give each of my kids a big spoonful of the dove unconditional chocolate ice cream i've got stashed and explain my plan to them. i'm pulling out all the stops. on the new biggest loser (which i didn't actually see) they weighed in in front of their home town crowds. i'm not in front of a tv camera in tight shorts and a sports bra (although if you've seen the show, you pretty much get the idea) but i am going on record here.
to quote misty edwards' song (one of my favs)
i pay my vows, no turning around
i burn the bridges that can't be found
i am Yours
to walk/run off 390 calories on the treadmill every day
to strength train either 39 flights of stairs or 39 reps (3 x 13) of arm/back/chest, etc.
to drink 139 oz. water a day
to eat pretty much according to the biggest loser book (got it for Christmas)
i have blisters on my footpads, but am encouraged in my heart.
tomorrow after lunch i will give each of my kids a big spoonful of the dove unconditional chocolate ice cream i've got stashed and explain my plan to them. i'm pulling out all the stops. on the new biggest loser (which i didn't actually see) they weighed in in front of their home town crowds. i'm not in front of a tv camera in tight shorts and a sports bra (although if you've seen the show, you pretty much get the idea) but i am going on record here.
to quote misty edwards' song (one of my favs)
i pay my vows, no turning around
i burn the bridges that can't be found
i am Yours
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
no songs left unwritten
derek loux, on of my favorite songwriters, has gone Home for Christmas. i can imagine him singing that song. i weep for his wife, his children, for the body of Christ. a great loss. our loss, Heaven's gain. his son Josiah's gain, who they lost at age 2.
and i'm reminded of other songwriters we've lost . . . keith green, rich mullins, randy wright - were there songs they had put off writing or recording? i'm moved to write whatever is in my heart to write.
to leave no songs unwritten, no faces unkissed,
no words unsaid, no opportunities missed.
how precious the days left till i see His face.
i'm living for forever today.
tragedy strikes in the most tragic way
why here? why now? why him? why today?
i walk through my life, and the clock keeps on ticking
not knowing that i'm standing still
like a cold mountain stream, the water is flowing
but numbing my heart, all the while i'm knowing
my Jesus is here and He hears all my crying out
why God, i don't understand
but this is the hope my heart beats with this moment
this is the thought i will cling to this second
that my friend is right now my Jesus beholding
and dancing and dancing for joy (and dancing with his little boy)
to leave no songs unwritten, no faces unkissed,
no words unsaid, no opportunities missed.
how precious the days left till i see His face.
i'm living for forever today.
and i'm reminded of other songwriters we've lost . . . keith green, rich mullins, randy wright - were there songs they had put off writing or recording? i'm moved to write whatever is in my heart to write.
to leave no songs unwritten, no faces unkissed,
no words unsaid, no opportunities missed.
how precious the days left till i see His face.
i'm living for forever today.
tragedy strikes in the most tragic way
why here? why now? why him? why today?
i walk through my life, and the clock keeps on ticking
not knowing that i'm standing still
like a cold mountain stream, the water is flowing
but numbing my heart, all the while i'm knowing
my Jesus is here and He hears all my crying out
why God, i don't understand
but this is the hope my heart beats with this moment
this is the thought i will cling to this second
that my friend is right now my Jesus beholding
and dancing and dancing for joy (and dancing with his little boy)
to leave no songs unwritten, no faces unkissed,
no words unsaid, no opportunities missed.
how precious the days left till i see His face.
i'm living for forever today.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
why does poop smell?
this is probably one of those points of logic that everyone but me worked out long ago, and i'm just catching up, but here goes.
poop smells so we know to get it off our babies' butts, off our butts, out of our homes and in all other ways get the smell as far away from our health and safety as possible. isn't God good?
yesterday i continued my celebration of the glory of cookie dough, but i made it with fresh ground wheat, so it was good for me. today i am convicted because my body belongs to my husband, and stuffing it with cookie dough is not what he would have me do - i'm sure of it. so far today, i had a bite of cookie dough (eaten before i got convicted), a banana, a couple slices of turkey, a cup of coffee, a chicken pot pie, and a bite of ice cream.
poop smells so we know to get it off our babies' butts, off our butts, out of our homes and in all other ways get the smell as far away from our health and safety as possible. isn't God good?
yesterday i continued my celebration of the glory of cookie dough, but i made it with fresh ground wheat, so it was good for me. today i am convicted because my body belongs to my husband, and stuffing it with cookie dough is not what he would have me do - i'm sure of it. so far today, i had a bite of cookie dough (eaten before i got convicted), a banana, a couple slices of turkey, a cup of coffee, a chicken pot pie, and a bite of ice cream.
knee pads
i said to my children, go get me three pairs of pants with no holes in the knees. come to find out, that's no short order to fill. we just make holes in the knees of pants. it may be our best thing. do you have any pants needing some fresh air around the knee joint? lend them to us, we'll fix you up.
i was able to help a little by digging out all the pants my #2 son has with those zip off automatic shorts panels - which were all in shorts form, of course, because it's december - and getting the little bag of pants-ends from the laundry room and reuniting and rezipping up all the legs. 5 new pairs of pants, just like that.
but for the long haul, i'm thinking knee pads. they can wear them all the time, unless we're leaving the house. it will feel better when they're chasing a short person on their knees, or if they biff each other's chin while wrestling, or whatever it is they do on their knees that makes such marvelous holes.
i was able to help a little by digging out all the pants my #2 son has with those zip off automatic shorts panels - which were all in shorts form, of course, because it's december - and getting the little bag of pants-ends from the laundry room and reuniting and rezipping up all the legs. 5 new pairs of pants, just like that.
but for the long haul, i'm thinking knee pads. they can wear them all the time, unless we're leaving the house. it will feel better when they're chasing a short person on their knees, or if they biff each other's chin while wrestling, or whatever it is they do on their knees that makes such marvelous holes.
Monday, December 21, 2009
the dark side (as opposed to the bright side)
i'll be honest. there's no bright side today. (i'm talking about the biggest loser portion of the blog, here.) if i were on the show, jillian would be cussing me up one side and down the other. you'd be watching from home and thinking, vote her off. i pretty much swam my way out of a vat of cookie dough today. i made enough for a double batch sunday, and today, well, i think we made 13 cookies. i had help with the cookie dough, but not as much as i needed.
part of me wants to just say, forget it, it's Christmas time, give it up till new years. but i can't. for one thing, it's not a gentle down hill slope. it's a plummet, a cliff. and it's a bitter, crappy climb back up to even the measley vantage point i'm at right now.
for another, as i may have mentioned, sometime i hope to be pregnant again. and my baby is old enough that (as people have started to mention to me) it could happen any time. see, my first 9 babies were born with a spacing of between 15 months and 3 weeks and 17 months and 2 weeks. only my last two have more like two years between them. so when my youngest gets to be 7 months or so, people start looking for an announcement of some kind. my husband even has someone at work that sent out an e-mail predicting one of our due dates, before we were pregnant.
i do the same thing. especially because, as childbearing women are aware, about the time my body is ready to start thinking about being able to become pregnant again - i go through a couple weeks of thinking i AM pregnant again. then, i'm not, and life will go on. but every time my baby is a certain age, i start to wonder . . .
and with that wondering, as i get older, is the knowledge that my body would handle a pregnancy a whole lot better if i weren't so dang fat. and i know, i know it would be better for me to get healthier before getting pregnant again. i know this. it is ridonkulous (my hubby's word) to say to God, here i am, take all of me, use me however You will, and then eat as if i'm trying to commit suicide 15 different ways (diabetes, high blood pressure - those kinds of ways).
having said all that, here's approximately what went in my mouth today:
cookie dough
3 normal sized chocolate chip (whole wheat) pancakes (no butter or syrup)
cookie dough
cookie dough w skim milk
cookie dough
homemade chicken noodle soup (big full bowl)
coffee
cookie dough
some cookie dough
2 cookies (we actually cooked them)
frappucino
2 pieces pizza
pomegranate tea w honey
and i may have had some cookie dough i didn't mention
part of me wants to just say, forget it, it's Christmas time, give it up till new years. but i can't. for one thing, it's not a gentle down hill slope. it's a plummet, a cliff. and it's a bitter, crappy climb back up to even the measley vantage point i'm at right now.
for another, as i may have mentioned, sometime i hope to be pregnant again. and my baby is old enough that (as people have started to mention to me) it could happen any time. see, my first 9 babies were born with a spacing of between 15 months and 3 weeks and 17 months and 2 weeks. only my last two have more like two years between them. so when my youngest gets to be 7 months or so, people start looking for an announcement of some kind. my husband even has someone at work that sent out an e-mail predicting one of our due dates, before we were pregnant.
i do the same thing. especially because, as childbearing women are aware, about the time my body is ready to start thinking about being able to become pregnant again - i go through a couple weeks of thinking i AM pregnant again. then, i'm not, and life will go on. but every time my baby is a certain age, i start to wonder . . .
and with that wondering, as i get older, is the knowledge that my body would handle a pregnancy a whole lot better if i weren't so dang fat. and i know, i know it would be better for me to get healthier before getting pregnant again. i know this. it is ridonkulous (my hubby's word) to say to God, here i am, take all of me, use me however You will, and then eat as if i'm trying to commit suicide 15 different ways (diabetes, high blood pressure - those kinds of ways).
having said all that, here's approximately what went in my mouth today:
cookie dough
3 normal sized chocolate chip (whole wheat) pancakes (no butter or syrup)
cookie dough
cookie dough w skim milk
cookie dough
homemade chicken noodle soup (big full bowl)
coffee
cookie dough
some cookie dough
2 cookies (we actually cooked them)
frappucino
2 pieces pizza
pomegranate tea w honey
and i may have had some cookie dough i didn't mention
Hark the herald babymakers sing
Do you like the song, Hark the Herald Angels Sing? It was written by Charles Wesley, the 18th child of Susannah Wesley, the 24th child in her family. How sad it would be, if the Wesley's had said, "You know, honey, I think 17 kids is really enough?" Or if Susanna's mother had stopped at a respectable 20 children. I'm so glad they didn't. It's one of my favorite Christmas carols.
Hail the heaven born Prince of Peace, Hail the Son of Righteousness
Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.
Mild He lay His glory by, born that man no more may die.
Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.
Hail the heaven born Prince of Peace, Hail the Son of Righteousness
Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings.
Mild He lay His glory by, born that man no more may die.
Born to raise the sons of earth, born to give them second birth.
pajamas
My kids don't usually wear pajamas. It has not been a big priority. We home school. Most days we don't leave the house. As long as they don't stink, I don't care if they wear the same clothes a day or two (or 3) in a row. [Now, on the other hand, I have kids who change their clothes 5 or 6 times a day, either because they are little girls and they CAN, or because they have timing issues with the toilet. So it all evens out in the wash.]
But I have to say, I think I get the pajamas thing. Last night, the Dave show needed something clean and dry to wear at bed time - don't remember if it was a spill or a diaper that got away or if he was walking around naked by choice - and so I put some actual pajamas on him, light blue, the footie kind. And he was adorable.
And this morning, when he came to me all sleepy and snuggly, I just have to say, the pajamas are the physical embodiment of the "mercies are new every morning" concept. It was a whole new day, partly due to the scrumptiousness of the pj's. All the trials of the day before, the markered fingers, the fights with siblings, the train thrown at someone's head, the oyster cracker toss-off, all those things fade into oblivion, buried in the deep of sea, blotted out, remembered no more (okay, I obviously remember them), as far as the East is from the West, gone.
I have often said that God could have made us to not sleep. Or at least not to sleep for 1/3 of the day. But He didn't. He made us to need sleep. I sort of think it's so His mercies can be new every morning. It's not theologically sound, I know. But it's what I think.
(and we have GOT to make those cookies. the cookie dough is killing me)
But I have to say, I think I get the pajamas thing. Last night, the Dave show needed something clean and dry to wear at bed time - don't remember if it was a spill or a diaper that got away or if he was walking around naked by choice - and so I put some actual pajamas on him, light blue, the footie kind. And he was adorable.
And this morning, when he came to me all sleepy and snuggly, I just have to say, the pajamas are the physical embodiment of the "mercies are new every morning" concept. It was a whole new day, partly due to the scrumptiousness of the pj's. All the trials of the day before, the markered fingers, the fights with siblings, the train thrown at someone's head, the oyster cracker toss-off, all those things fade into oblivion, buried in the deep of sea, blotted out, remembered no more (okay, I obviously remember them), as far as the East is from the West, gone.
I have often said that God could have made us to not sleep. Or at least not to sleep for 1/3 of the day. But He didn't. He made us to need sleep. I sort of think it's so His mercies can be new every morning. It's not theologically sound, I know. But it's what I think.
(and we have GOT to make those cookies. the cookie dough is killing me)
promotion
God told me years ago not to promote myself. It's certainly scriptural. Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord and He (and He) will lift you up. Okay, that's a song, but it's based on a scripture.
At any rate, that hasn't been hard to do, until now. Now it feels almost irresponsible. Not only do I have a genuine, honest-to-goodness ego to care for, but I've also invested time (mostly someone else's), I've invested money, and I have these boxes containing hundreds of copies of my heart in liquid form, all poured out for people to listen to.
The cocky thing about making a thousand cds is that you're making an assumption that people want to hear what's on it. I don't have a thousand friends. According to Facebook, I have 176 give or take. So right now, with 8+ boxes of cds sitting in my kitchen, I feel very vulnerable and a little ridiculous.
I suppose it's about trust. Trust that God has a plan, that He will use our little labor of love to do good stuff. Trust that if it impacts 1 person positively, that in God's economy, it was worth it. He's weird like that.
And I also have to trust God with my heart, with my gift. But ohhhh, it feels so naked right now. I have bared (am baring) my very soul to whomever. What if 'whomever' doesn't like what they hear? Wait a minute, I think I remember learning this lesson . . . disc 2, track 6 "You will never reject me, You will never forsake me."
I am putting all my eggs in this one basket - I trust Jesus. He gets my cds, my kids, my marriage, my house, my heart and my big blue van.
At any rate, that hasn't been hard to do, until now. Now it feels almost irresponsible. Not only do I have a genuine, honest-to-goodness ego to care for, but I've also invested time (mostly someone else's), I've invested money, and I have these boxes containing hundreds of copies of my heart in liquid form, all poured out for people to listen to.
The cocky thing about making a thousand cds is that you're making an assumption that people want to hear what's on it. I don't have a thousand friends. According to Facebook, I have 176 give or take. So right now, with 8+ boxes of cds sitting in my kitchen, I feel very vulnerable and a little ridiculous.
I suppose it's about trust. Trust that God has a plan, that He will use our little labor of love to do good stuff. Trust that if it impacts 1 person positively, that in God's economy, it was worth it. He's weird like that.
And I also have to trust God with my heart, with my gift. But ohhhh, it feels so naked right now. I have bared (am baring) my very soul to whomever. What if 'whomever' doesn't like what they hear? Wait a minute, I think I remember learning this lesson . . . disc 2, track 6 "You will never reject me, You will never forsake me."
I am putting all my eggs in this one basket - I trust Jesus. He gets my cds, my kids, my marriage, my house, my heart and my big blue van.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
ode to the oldest
my daughter has become my friend. today she sang with me, listened to me, rebuked me, laughed with me, and prophecied to me. how delightful to share humor and faith with her.
[eating log: banana for breakfast; chicken pot pie and probably a cup of cookie dough; coffee and home made chicken noodle soup for supper - i feel good about it, not because i did well with the cookie dough, but because i stopped eating when full and didn't medicate my empty-after-stressful-day feeling with more food . . . i stopped eating when there was still bad stuff to eat. i just didn't want more - and that's a big deal for me, especially with cookie dough on the line.]
[eating log: banana for breakfast; chicken pot pie and probably a cup of cookie dough; coffee and home made chicken noodle soup for supper - i feel good about it, not because i did well with the cookie dough, but because i stopped eating when full and didn't medicate my empty-after-stressful-day feeling with more food . . . i stopped eating when there was still bad stuff to eat. i just didn't want more - and that's a big deal for me, especially with cookie dough on the line.]
Saturday, December 19, 2009
i threw away chocolate chips
and i washed off a beater that still had cookie dough on it. now that might not impress you. after all i ate quite a bit today: cheerios w skim milk, white chili and 1 piece butter bread [it was 1 and not 2 or 3 because i knew i'd be writing it down later], 1 big cup coffee, 1/2 banana, 1/2 apple, 2 pieces pizza, 2 pizza crusts, a glass of egg nog, and 5 or so cookies, plus a cookie or so worth of cookie dough with cold milk.
but i'm a recovering addict. i hate to actually put this in print, but it might help someone else, so i will: i've had such a sugar problem, i've actually eaten rice krispie treats that were left behind (at a church gathering) by a kid and not known if it was my kid that left it. isn't that gross? but i did that. so to throw away chocolate chips that were laying on the table instead of eating them, not to mention that there is a whole bowl of cookie dough in my fridge that i'm not eating . . . well, that's significant. thank You Jesus. You set me free.
but i'm a recovering addict. i hate to actually put this in print, but it might help someone else, so i will: i've had such a sugar problem, i've actually eaten rice krispie treats that were left behind (at a church gathering) by a kid and not known if it was my kid that left it. isn't that gross? but i did that. so to throw away chocolate chips that were laying on the table instead of eating them, not to mention that there is a whole bowl of cookie dough in my fridge that i'm not eating . . . well, that's significant. thank You Jesus. You set me free.
kum-ba-yah
someone's praying. i'm sure of it. something's different, better, easier. i went to a Christmas party last night, and i don't think i ate more than anyone else. i think i ate a normal amount of food. and that's really different for me. i don't think i could win on the biggest loser eating the way i did yesterday (home-made egg mcmuffin, big bowl white chili, pbj, hot chocolate, cappucino, salad, sparkling white grape juice,prime rib, mashed potatoes - a non-gluttonous amount, small piece corn casserole, mini chocolate volcano, punch, a piece if chocolate peppermint bark, a bite of a cookie i didn't love, two little rolls, one [ONE] see's candy, chai, and a partridge in a pear tree), but it is just getting easier to make good decisions. so, thanks.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
blowers and stuffers
i used to be a blower. i was a spear throwing, say what you think you mean, mean what you feel like meaning, pick up the pieces later kind of fighter. over the years i have become quite the stuffer. if i don't know how to say what i mean or i don't think it will be received or i don't think any good will come of it, i just don't say. i don't think i'm to the point of avoiding conflict. i've just screwed enough things up and hurt enough people's feelings to last until my surprise 70th birthday party.
but i'd like to find out what is behind door number 3, because neither stuffing nor blowing are really working for me. i don't want to be the proud recipient of a new figurative hole in the posterior, nor do i want to have someone stuff their issues with me and give me the silent treatment
both hurt.
but i'd like to find out what is behind door number 3, because neither stuffing nor blowing are really working for me. i don't want to be the proud recipient of a new figurative hole in the posterior, nor do i want to have someone stuff their issues with me and give me the silent treatment
both hurt.
true confessions
the amazing supermom is neither super nor amazing.
what i ate today: a house version of an egg mcmuffin, a venti green tea latte, 2 1/2 coffee with sweetened condensed milk, half a peanut butter and honey sandwich, some delicious pita and hummus, maybe 2 or 3 oreos and a small chocolate chip cookie, a decent sized piece of sugar cream pie, a handful of tortilla chips con queso, and a large bowl of white chicken chili. then, for lunch, . . . no, i'm just kidding.
the triumphs of the day - i gave out chocolate chips to some kids without eating any. the vast majority of the pie was still there when i left. when a friend said, haven't you had enough coffee, i was okay with it (the half cup later on was mostly to warm up). and i think i still mostly ate at meal time. soooo, can i still say i see God growing some self-control-fruit in my garden??
what i ate today: a house version of an egg mcmuffin, a venti green tea latte, 2 1/2 coffee with sweetened condensed milk, half a peanut butter and honey sandwich, some delicious pita and hummus, maybe 2 or 3 oreos and a small chocolate chip cookie, a decent sized piece of sugar cream pie, a handful of tortilla chips con queso, and a large bowl of white chicken chili. then, for lunch, . . . no, i'm just kidding.
the triumphs of the day - i gave out chocolate chips to some kids without eating any. the vast majority of the pie was still there when i left. when a friend said, haven't you had enough coffee, i was okay with it (the half cup later on was mostly to warm up). and i think i still mostly ate at meal time. soooo, can i still say i see God growing some self-control-fruit in my garden??
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