Saturday, February 14, 2015

Sex talk

Why am I writing about sex?

Well, there's this book out there that I haven't read that's becoming a movie I won't see that everybody is talking and writing and boycotting about. I likely would never have even heard of 50 Shades of Gray but for the dozens of posts on social media about why I shouldn't read the book or see the movie.

I'm not actually writing about the book/movie, because I won't see or read it. I'm writing about sex, good sex, healthy, married sex, because there are some things I think need to be said about it that aren't usually said, maybe never. But someone needs to, and I guess it might as well be me.

Kids, if you're not old enough to take me out and buy me a beer, you should probably have your mom read this first, ok?!

One of the several articles I read about NOT seeing the aforementioned movie cited some survey that showed religious married women about my age are the most satisfied with their sex lives, so I'm writing, maybe not as an expert, but as a satisfied middle aged married woman. ;) With a lot of children.

So here are some words that aren't usually used to describe good sex that ought to be.

1. CLEAN. Good sex is clean. Now, it isn't clean in the sense of cleanliness. It's a mess. I have often thought, while spending intimate time with my husband, 'I can't believe people do this in cars'.

But it is clean in the way it is expressed and the way it makes you feel. Sex isn't dirty or nasty or trashy. It's clean. It's pure. And, just like the comedians who are able to do their act without lude words or subject matter and still be really funny (see also, Brian Reegan and Jim Gaffigan), the idea that you have to be (or pretend to be) bad for sex to be good is a lie.

2. HEALING. Sex heals. It helps us remember that we are one. That Bible verse that says love covers a multitude of sins, it's true. I'm not saying we don't still have to work things through or deal with problems. We do. Sex just helps put them into perspective. It is going to be ok.

3. RESTORING. It's like hitting the reset button on the computer. And it isn't necessarily always something you do because you're in the mood for it. It is something you do because it is wonderful.

I love to swim. I always love to swim. I am always glad I got in the pool, I never regret making the effort, once I am there. But, I do not always want to swim. I do not always feel like getting in the pool. Sometimes I don't want to swim until I am swimming. Sometimes I get in the pool because I know that I will like it and it is good for me, and then, after I'm in, then I'm always glad I did.

4. SAFE. I don't mean what is normally called safe sex. Sex is not safe because someone has some kind of pregnancy prevention system going on or something in place to try to stop the transmission of diseases. Sex is safe because it is ours alone to share. It is sacred. It is a promise and a renewal of that promise that there is no one else. It says I belong to you and I trust you completely and I am not holding anything back from you. It is a gift freely given. I feel safe when we have sex. (I also often muse, 'I cannot believe people do this with people they aren't married to, or worse, people they hardly know')

5. PRODUCTIVE. I won't belabor this here, but the natural intended state of sex was that making babies goes with intimacy. As a culture we separate it and try to control that part of it as best we can, but, like it or not, God put those two really wonderful things together. He thought it was a great idea. He didn't have to do it that way, but He did.

Sex is an amazing part of God's creation. Unique to humans (compared to all other creatures) in that He designed it for us, both husband and wife, to enjoy. It is such an amazing biological event. He chose to make procreating for humans a delightful, exciting, therapeutic, connective, spiritual experience.

6. WORSHIPFUL. It is true. I often just am in awe of God when I get to enjoy my husband. I thank Him (though not usually out loud, but why not?) for this gift He has given me, this man, this marriage, this sweet way we get to love each other. It started with God. Why not praise Him for it?