Friday, February 15, 2013

For the record,

I have never wanted to be pregnant more. It's that whole biological clock ticking thing, I guess, knowing that all women eventually stop getting pregnant. And being near as some of my dearest friends have lost or are losing babies. And saying goodbye to a friend who finished her race. Life seems so precious and fragile and incredibly desirable/priceless/indescribably wanted - having trouble really saying what I mean to say.

Because I still cherish the 'yes' and the 'no'. If I never conceive again, or if I never give birth again, I am completely and entirely thankful and content and so glad He has been in charge, without contest, for much of my fertile life. I have obviously nothing to complain of.

I just want to go on record as saying that if there is ever to be another person for us sometime, that would be even more wonderful, if that's possible, than all the previous 13, because, I don't know. Because He doesn't HAVE to. He doesn't have to give me anything. He doesn't have to bless me anymore. And if He did, does, would, if, well, yeah, I'm just saying that would be indescribably marvelous.

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