Raising the bar

For a long time, my answer to any disappointment in marriage has been simple: lower my expectations.

I have adjusted my marital expectations to be as follows. My husband, who is a wonderful, godly, patient, kind, selfless, gentle (pick a fruit of the Spirit, he's got it), beautiful man, has a limited number of hours in his day, is limited in his ability to meet my needs and those of our children, therefore, I will not place demands on him for what I need emotionally, but rather put my hope and trust in the Lord to meet all my needs, sometimes through said wonderful husband, sometimes other ways.

Sounds godly, no?

In fact, if you read back far enough, you will find this posture expressed in the form of advice.

But recently I have felt challenged by the Lord to contend for more. I believe He wants our marriage to look like the relationship between Jesus and His bride. And that is a little different. He wants me to hope for more. He doesn't want me to absolve my man of all responsibility for our marriage, and just hope God will make me happy. He actually placed responsibility for our marriage on my husband's shoulders.

What does this mean? What do I do with this? Well, I did communicate with him. And handed the reins to him. And now I pray, and wait, and trust. Because his heart is still God's responsibility, and so is mine. But now I hope.

I'm hoping for more coming together in our relationship with the Lord and each other. I'm hoping for more conversations that are either able to happen simultaneously with chaos, or snatching moments separate from it, more conversations that go beyond what to pick up from Aldi, when to buy a new laptop, and all things relating to the budget. I'm hoping to show my children a marriage that they will hold out for and want to emulate. I'm hoping to have a relationship that teaches each of us and those around us about how Jesus loves His church, and how His church trusts in Him.

That's raising the bar.