I struggle, often, especially around African-American strangers, with being a peach mom of a brown daughter. More specifically, I wrestle with being the straight haired, pressed for time mother with soon to be a dozen other children of a girl with marvelously curly black hair that I can either train to be worn "free" and get endless feedback and disapproving looks from said African-American strangers, or I (or eldest daughter) can learn to and devote many future hours to significant styling routines.
Eventually, my course will be determined by her preferences. But for now, it is mostly about not putting too much effort into hair that will have her breakfast, lunch, and dinner smeared into it within hours, counterbalanced with the desire to not have other people think I suck, and should have adopted a child with easier hair.
The very great reality here, however, is that she is my DAUGHTER. She is mine. She is engraved in my heart. Whether or not her hair style pleases others, she is completely and totally my own child. I will try to pull it together on the hair front. But I must never connect that particular skill set with my qualification as her mama.
What other people think of my parenting is not my gradecard. My gradecard is grace and favor and peace from the One Who delights in me and delights to give me good gifts. He is faithful and able to give me everything I need to be the mama He made me to be, for each of my overwhelming and larger than my time and confidence allows children. I am not big, strong, wise, capable enough, nor do I have enough time, but He is, and He does. Hollar back.
2 comments:
Her hair is lovely. Even in the off moments she may have breakfast, lunch and/or dinner smeared into it. You are a capable and marvelously loving mother. and naturally curly hair took me over 30 to master my own... cut yourself a little slack. and then have me over to play with all the daughters curly locks. :)
Just try your best to make sure her hair is combed thoroughly. Then braid or put in ponytails to prevent tangling. The afterstyle shouldn't matter much after that. Use headbands etc. to dress it up:)
She will learn to style her own beautiful hair in time. I am African American and started doing my own hair about 9/10. I didn't like the way my mom did it.
It is time consuming-I know as a child, it would be an hour-long ordeal effort to comb my hair out after it was washed(which is important to prevent tangles and hair locks). Do this and either braid in sections or put in pony tails so no tangling and you don't have to comb as long as you do from the first shampoo. Or, you can find an African-American hair salon that does braiding (or an African-American teenager that knows how to corn-row) and have her hair corn-rowed occasionally. This can last up to 2 weeks at a time.
Further, don't wash her hair more than 1X week or even 1X every other week. Our hair is dry and doesn't need to be washed as often as yours. Hopefully that helps.
On the end note, as long as you are doing the best you can, that is enough. Good luck!
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