Low Point

I have a tendency to only report when I'm doing well. Today I'm not. I carbed out last night. But I've just not been doing very well as a whole. I have this dilemma when nursing about how many calories I actually need. Is the baby getting enough? He was only 40th percentile at his checkup, and before he was 50th. Is it because I'm trying to lose weight? So I eat too much, for Baby's sake. And now I'm gaining again.

But it's not only that. I'm behind on laundry. It's been colder out, so people are wearing more clothing, so there is more to wash. We have to step it up.

My bedroom is a mess again. My clothes are on the floor by my bed where I drop them before going to sleep.

I feel genuinely overwhelmed by the smaller people in my life. The toilet stirrers. It feels as though I cannot get anything done. If they are with me, they are on me, and I have no arms. If they are not with me, they are doing something bad that I'm going to have to clean up. (This just in: the dog threw up on the carpet. Twice. Joy.)

I feel, perhaps mistakenly, that everyone around me is maxxed out, and that I cannot ask more of them, so I try to take it on myself, more laundry, more dishes, more everything. The big girls have a special talent for walking in the kitchen right after I finish supper prep and asking, "Do you need help?"

I haven't been reading my Bible. I found a nifty thing on my Bible reading program called "Catch Me Up". If I am behind, I just hit the catch me up button, and Boom! I am right on track. So I'm "caught up", except that I don't even remember what I'm supposed to be reading.

On the up side, I just had a conversation with my middle girls that is the kind of conversation that motivates me to home school. It is why we do this.

So, here we go. I'm going downstairs, and I will try to chip away at the immense piece of marble that is my life, beginning with cleaning up dog vomit, and try to make something beautiful from it.