a day in the life

of my stomach
does this look like the eating habits of a girl trying to lose weight? maybe more like a girl trying to maintain weight? or perhaps like the dietary patterns of a bear getting ready to hybernate for um, say, three months or so?

for breakfast i had 2 eggs and salsa (so far, so good)
i had a cup of coffee with sweetened condensed milk - measured 1 tbs, 65 calories
two pieces ezekial bread
a bean burrito (about 250 calories - still maintaining a measure of self-control)
2.5 peanut butter cookies (225 calories)
large bowl veggie beef soup (200 calories)
handful of miniwheats
steamer, skim milk, honey and vanilla
spoonful of brownie batter (you see where that's going)
large bowl of chili with a small amt. cheddar cheese
1.5 small brownies - 150 or so calories
almonds, white chocolate chips, dark chocolate chips, marshmallows - maybe a half cup all told, maybe more

so you see, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but still not the way you eat if you are trying to be, well, smaller.

i have a hard time getting it through my head that i am going to be smaller. i have a hard time not eating more when i'm bothered about something, or lonely. i have a hard time stopping the sugar train once it's started down the track (which is, as it turns out, all downhill, and the brakes are, in fact, broken).

and so, Jesus, i'm asking for help, here in front of You and everybody. no plans or counts are strong enough to get me there. You are my King. please help me submit myself to You, to the way You made my body to eat, to Your answers to my hearts cry for more of something. You (not obiwan) are my only Hope.