Liking Children. Or not.

"You must really like children . . ."

I get this a lot (along with, you must be really organized, or patient, or a saint). I have a standard answer that might be offensive. I say, "I like my children."

And I've been realizing lately that the children I tend not to like are children who tend to get what they want all the time.

Children need to have their wills opposed. Even shy, easy, compliant children need to be told no. They need practice obeying someone else's will. They need to learn to adjust to a reality not of their own choosing.

Not only does always getting their way make an unpleasant child (and it does), it also sets them up for a crappy life. Marriage will be rough for someone who always has had their way. A job will be hard for someone who has never submitted.

I would even go so far as to say it is dangerous to grow up always getting what you want. From traffic violations to shoplifting to marital fidelity to heart attacks - doing what is right when you don't feel like it is a pretty critical skill to have.

I have a friend who, when her now quite grown up daughter was a baby, would diaper the child on the run. She didn't make her lay down and hold still long enough to get a new diaper. She chased after her. (I assume when the diaper was poopy that she would. And maybe it was only in that setting, when the play and friends were hard to resist, that she allowed it.) But that is a situation that requires opposition, really. The child has to be required to lay down and hold still till she gets a clean diaper and pants back on. That is the age and situation my kids first defy me, usually. I call it Greco-Roman diaper changing - when it becomes a wrestling match. But it is a battle you have to win. You are the parent, make them do it. Pop their little fat leg, strap them down with your leg, get a partner to help, whatever it take, do it. Somehow make it happen.

Because if, when she's one, you can't get her to hold still for a diaper, then, when she's 14, how will you get her to do her homework or get off the phone or take off that inappropriate outfit. (I have a rule by the way about inappropriate clothing - we don't have it in the house. If it isn't in the closet, we don't have to fight about they can wear it. Things just get lost in the wash sometimes . . .)

If she won't come when you call her at 2 years of age, will she come home in the evening when she's supposed to at 16 years?

If we appease our children with food/snacks/juice when they are frustrated/angry/disappointed, how will they content themselves when they are adults and part of their lives is in the tank.

These are the little battles. The battles that come later are bigger and harder.

But the biggest reason our children need to find their wills opposed is because, as Christians, we conform our will to His. We lay down our lives and take up our cross and follow our Master. It is His Kingdom, not ours. Jesus Himself learned submission as a child. He had to obey His earthly mother and father.

Following Jesus, choosing His will, not mine, is not something I find easy. How much harder if I was used to getting my way all the time? When we have children we hope will grow up to follow Jesus, we do them a real disservice to not teach them submission about little easy things. We set them up for much harder battles later.

He who loves his child, disciplines him. If you love your kid, make sure you tell him no sometimes, even if he is the kind of kid who pretty much does what you want him to do. Make him learn to submit to your authority. It's good for him, and you'll probably like him better.

(2 afterthoughts - 1. Be realistic about the battles you choose, make sure you are making age-appropriate requirements. 2. Don't ever discipline a kid in anger, ever. Ever.)