I have trained my humans, thus far, to see any romantic interaction that happens outside the context of either marriage or leading up to a desirable marriage as being a bad idea. It might be lawful, but it isn't usually profitable. Ideally, we save our bodies, our minds and our feelings for the person we will give ourselves to in marriage. Certainly, at an age that is too young to get married (which applies to all of my offspring at the time of this writing) no romance is profitable or helpful in our pursuit of a future Godly marriage. I talked about that before, and won't beat you up with it now. I don't know how to link to that blog, and I don't even remember what it was called.
But let's say you, and I, and my children buy into that concept. We are saving our hearts, bodies, and imaginations for an appropriate time and person. Then what? What does that look like? What do we do with that in practical reality?
For example, how do you communicate with a young man or woman that while you are honored by their interest in you, you are not interested in a love connection at your current phase of life. Do you avoid them like the plague? Do you just say, "My mom and dad won't let me date," and leave it at that? Might they read that as, I want to but my parents are in the way? What if they continue to pursue you, since everybody knows true love doesn't let a little thing like parents stop it?
I know that in my romantic history I did not honor some of the guys who expressed some interest in me, telling "white lies", or just being rude. That may have been more effective, but the result was not honoring to the young men or to the Lord.
What would Jesus do? What did Jesus do? We don't know. But I think He walked in integrity. He would not have wronged them in His pursuit of doing what was right.
So I have been thinking about this subject lately, and I can say I'm pretty sure I have none of the answers. It's a tough subject. How do you even know when to say something? And what do you say?
To complicate matters, I also think there are at least two categories to would be suitors. There are the ones that you hope would not be interested in you or even live on the same hemisphere as you ever, and there are the ones that you think, if the time was right, might just be the right kind of guy/girl. And probably some in between, some that make you feel special, but if you're honest, aren't probably what you really want in a mate.
Do you handle all of them the same way? Hopefully, yes, I think. The answer, if they are classy enough to ask a question, needs to be something like, Thank you, but I am saving my heart and myself for the person I will marry someday. If I were old enough to get married, I would tell you to go and talk to my father, but since I'm only xx, the answer is just no.
I think if the other person is not classy enough to ask and just presumes and goes the normal cultural manipulative route, flirting, inserting him/herself into your situations, then probably it is ok to use unspoken avoidances to communicate that you don't reciprocate their intentions. But that is just me thinking in a hypothetical, nonspecific kind of way.
Those would be the other hemisphere people. But what about the ones you like to have around, the friends, the maybe someday people? How do you say, You're a good one, but now is not the right time? I think you can't say that. Because even then, you may be giving false hope. Here's why: You don't know who he or she will be when that time comes. It's like playing the stock market or blackjack. You are betting your emotions and that person's emotions on an assumption that who they look like they are or seem to be now will grow into someone you want to be connected to later. You are planting seeds of hope in them that could grow into something that could eventually mess up a right relationship for you or them because one or both of you has internally given a piece of your heart to them.
No, better to leave it all in Jesus' hands. Thank you, but I have entrusted my future to Jesus and my dad, and until I am old enough to choose a mate, I'm not shopping or trying anything on. I only have one heart and I am going to wait to give it until the appropriate time comes. I'm glad to be your friend.
Walking in integrity means I am treating each suitor the way I want my future mate to be treated by others. I don't want to receive a rejected heartbroken spouse who has been mistreated at other's hands on his/her way to me. I'm treating them the way I want to be treated. It might be messy, embarrassing or awkward. It will not be culturally appropriate, and I will probably look like a fool, but my Savior made Himself of no reputation for my sake. I can be a fool for Him.
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