I have 14 children

I am 5 foot 1 inch tall. I have 5 children who are taller than I am. Even my mother is taller than me.

But I don't think of myself as short. I feel pretty normal. Instead, I think of other people as tall or very tall.

My eldest is 5'5" or so, and I think of her as tall. It was a huge surprise to me that she wears petite jeans still. Since her legs are so long. Compared to mine. She's not tall. She's just tall to me.

So I don't think I have that many kids. 14 sounds about right. When one or two are missing, I wonder where everybody is. Maybe because the Duggars have way more kids, 20 or so? Maybe because it is just what is my normal. I think 14 kids is a good number.

When people ask me, did I always want a big family, I say yes. But I never thought of big as being as big as our big is. I wanted 4. Or 6. I remember thinking the Von Trapps had a lot of children.

I get overwhelmed by my children. But not because there are 14. I get overwhelmed because I'm not very good at some things. Like perfection. I suck at perfection. I'm so bad at being perfect, I'm not even trying anymore. [As a side note: Typing while nursing is not that hard, but burping while nursing is impossible.]

I also get overwhelmed because some of my children are overwhelming. Certain children, or should I say, certain ages or certain phases of life, are overwhelming. They (those certain children in those certain phases) won't always be overwhelming. I know, because some of the other children used to be overwhelming but aren't anymore.

[Additional side note: If I pat him on the back and he doesn't burp but he farts a lot, does that count?]

I am overwhelmed right now for the following reasons:

The two year old in my bed, in my spot, is too heavy for me to carry in my 3 days postpartum state back to his bed, so even if the baby in my arms ever burps and nurses on the other side, I'm still not going to get any sleep tonight. Unless I succeed in waking my lovely burden bearing exhausted husband.

We have to keep doing school and life and cannot just keep on watching Wild Kratts and playing in the snow and drinking copious amounts of hot chocolate.

The potty training I did a few months ago has evaporated into thin air.

The 1 year old has green gunk in his eyes, the 2 year old has a cough, and the 3 year old was on the couch sleeping most of the morning, which makes me a little nervous. Treacherous place for a newborn.

I have been eating the world since giving birth and am wondering what it will take to get me back under control, because I don't have time for a heart attack or a stroke, and it might take that. Maybe I need to start watching Biggest Loser again.

On a related note, I am out of pants that are clean and fit.

All the things that overwhelmed me 4 days ago are still here, and now so also is my new son, who is cute and takes a lot of time nursing, and a lot of energy is consumed deciding which child's turn it is to hold him and pass on their germs to him and threaten his life.

My husband will have to go back to work in a few short days and then I will be alone. With 14 kids.

I have peace for the following reasons:

I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength.

He also gave me the 14 children. He will give me everything I need to do what He has given me to do.

He will help my milk to come in.
He will help my body to heal.
He will help me find a place of self control.
He will give me wisdom and grace for The Hormones.
He will give me patience and strength for the twins.
He will draw me near when I am far away.
He will fill me with His Word and breathe His Spirit on me when I abide, or even try to abide, or even glance His way.
He is faithful to the end. He is faithful to my heart.