Intimate Ed

Hey, if you are reading this blog right now, but you are not old enough to go to war, I need you to have your mom read it first. Thanks!

There is a topic going around Facebook, an article and news story about a father in Kansas City, whose 13 yr old daughter took a picture with her phone of a poster hanging in her middle school. The poster lists various ways people show love to each other. That is the title. Some of those ways are completely appropriate for a 13 yr old to know about and talk about and do. Some would be appropriate for a mature young person to talk to her parents about. Some were not things I want my 13 yr old daughter (or my 17 yr old) (or my 42 yr old self) thinking about or talking about at all.

Some people respond with the feeling that sex ed should not be part of school at all. Some of us are reminded that we are glad we home school our offspring. Some, however, say this type of information has to be communicated in schools because "if the parents don't do their job, the schools have to".

I have a friend who was given the option of previewing the material of this type to be shown in her child's classroom, as were all the other parents. The context is a good school in a good area with presumably 'good parents'. Of all the parents in that age group, I assume 70 or so families, my friend was the ONLY ONE who chose to preview the material. Everyone else was content to let the government do their job for them without question.

I have a neighbor who I would guess has been both a user of illegal substances and one who spends quality time with those who do, and is active in a not monogamous way, and at 50+ years of age, did not know how people get HIV. She didn't know. Had no idea. It's a good guess that her parents didn't know. And her children, and grandchildren, if they know, didn't find out from her.

So our idealistic idea that it is the parents' job to teach their kids about private things, while noble and true, may not always be realistic. Some parents don't know. Some parents don't care.

Does that make it the government's job? If the parents don't do it, is it better to have the schools do it?

There are a number of other subjects that fall in this gray area. The government 'helps' us pay our taxes by deducting it from my husband's check. They 'helped' the big auto industries stay in business when they nearly destroyed themselves with decades of bad decisions and policies. And currently the government is trying to 'help' us provide healthcare for our families. After all, if the government doesn't, who will?

I'm not trying to take all these subjects on in one small blog post. I don't even think I know the answer. It is a fallen world we are living in. We are pretty messed up as a nation. Evidenced by a creepy poster hanging in a Midwestern middle school classroom. I know that most kids may not have parents who want to talk about difficult subjects. I talked to a church going lady not long ago, who told me that when her daughter got a boyfriend, she drove her down to planned parenthood, saying, "If you're going to have a boyfriend, you have to go on the pill." Her highest value was *not pregnant*.

I'm afraid I don't have a conclusion. I don't want the government to take over parenting for everybody. I don't think it is good at parenting. I am sure we need to be talking to our children about everything. We need to be deliberate and awkward and out loud loving and not afraid of screwing up. We need to talk about those things often enough that our kids are sure we are the safe and comfy ones to go to.

We took our eldest out for her 16th birthday. It was a surprise. She got this horrified look on her face and said, "you're not going to talk to me about, you know, are you?" I said, no, honey, we talk about that all the time. I want to be easily approachable, even with awkward subjects. The conversation may be uncomfortable, but I am not, so they don't have to be.

I guess that's all I can touch right now. I can't change the face of public education. I have only my little dozen plus 2. I can prepare my 14 to face the world, and hope that in the process, they change it.