What I don't know

I think at this stage in my life, most people either assume I know what I'm doing, or that I'm a complete idiot and have no idea what I'm doing.

Either they figure, hey, you've had that many kids, you probably know everything you need to know about labor, nursing, parenting, when to take kids to the doctor, all that sort of thing; or, they think if I had any sense I would have stopped having kids years ago and I am obviously on welfare and don't have the good sense God gave a dog to know when to stop overpopulating the earth.

In the hospital, they mostly figure I know what I'm doing. "Just let us know when you think you're going to need to push," they say. I say, by the time I know I need to push, the baby will be born. Or with nursing, "You have done this so many times before," and I say, well yeah, but he hasn't.

Because really, there is a lot I don't know. And I learn new stuff with every baby, every labor, every day. For example, nursing. Because I have had a few genuinely refluxy babies, I just expect fussiness. I assume they're just going to cry sometimes. It honestly never occurs to me to try to figure out if it is something I ate or drank that is causing a nursing baby to be uncomfortable.

Another thing, about the time my babies start solid food, 4, 5, maybe 6 months old, I start worrying about my milk supply. But that is probably also about the time I stop being very patient with the nursing times, about the time someone else is potty training, about the time I start exercising and trying to drop a few (dozen) pounds, start wanting more freedom and to not take the little piker with me every where I go.

With labor, I worry about when to be checked, when to have the doctor come, and how long it will be and if I have enough oom-pa-pa to make it to the end or if I need an epidural because I'm just not strong enough anymore to do this on my own. (mind you, I've given birth w/o epidural 8 times - not discrediting epidurals, but I really can and prefer to go without)

I still have the lactation consultant come in and help me position babies. I still talk to my friends and read articles and books about labor. I am still learning. My younger sister (both my sisters are younger than me, this is the older of the two) sent me a little jar last week that says, "Blessing Box" (or something like that) that she made for me, with maybe hundreds of strips of paper with scriptures on each, with my name on them, personalized for me. She has 4 little crazy girls that go to the doctor every other day and want to be held all the time, and she took the time to do this thing. And she totally rocked my world. Because she told me, the big sister, to read one when I'm having a hard day or a hard minute. And it has been life to me.

I should know that. I should know that the Word of God gives me strength. But there it is. Every day, something new. Because, well, there is a whole lot that I just don't know. And when you are old and wise and mature like me, you'll realize there's a whole lot that you don't know either. (I'm just kidding, that was a joke, did you get it?!)