My heart, my choice

Have you ever heard somebody say something like, "You don't choose who you fall in love with."

Well, that's hogwash. You choose who you spend time with. You choose where you go and what you do. You choose who you sit by and when to answer the phone. You choose what to say and what not to say, what to think about and what not to think about, what to wear and watch and focus on.

If you don't choose who you fall in love with, what hope do us married folks have? We're just walking along and then, BANG! We fall in love with someone new. Stank! What happens to our current spouse? Our kids?

The Bible says, Philippians 4, whatsoever things are good, pure, lovely, right, excellent, worthy of praise (or something like that) think on these things. You have a choice, or else scripture wouldn't tell us to choose. It also talks about taking our thoughts captive. I'm not saying it isn't hard. In fact, I don't recommend trying to do what the Bible says to do without Jesus' help and His forgiveness - you'll get really discouraged.

I am saying that He gave us both guidelines and a means for our escape (He said He will provide an escape in any temptation). And even more impressive, He has walked this road, as a man, as a teenager, with zits and hormones. And he made it through. He was, like all of us should, saving His heart for His bride - the church. He kept Himself pure. He encountered every trial and temptation common to man, and He saved His heart for His one bride.

We are called to do the same. As a married woman, I am called to keep myself unto my man. But before I knew who that man would be, I was still called to keep everything that belonged to him for him. My body, my kisses, my fantasies, my affection, all belonged to him before I knew him.

Any gesture that says to a boy or a girl, "I belong to you" should be kept for the one you belong to. To hold hands with a boy tells him, "I belong to you." It tells everyone, "I am with this guy." The Bible says it is good for a man not to touch a woman. That doesn't mean bumping into her in the grocery store. It means not touching in a way that conveys feeling that is inappropriate.

An easy test for this for singles is to say, 'if I was married to someone else, would it be okay with my spouse for me to do this with another person?' If not, and if I am not sure this person is my spouse-to-be, then I am defrauding him. I am taking something that belongs to someone else. I am giving him something that belongs to someone else.

As a married woman, I belong to Jesus and my husband. If I were single, the same thing would be true. Being unmarried doesn't mean I can just do whatever I feel like doing until I get married. It means I don't know the whole story yet. But I still belong to the Lord and to my husband, should the Lord give me to one someday.

Same thing for guys. It would be NOT OKAY with me for my husband to hold hands with or kiss or give a nice long front hug with another woman. Not ok. So I am training my sons not to do any of those things with a girl until 1) they are both old enough to marry, 2) he is able to provide for her, 3) he has our blessing and 4) he has her father's permission. Unless those things are in place, he is taking something from her that very likely belongs to someone else.

[note, if young people are in a prayer situation and there comes a command from above to all hold hands, I still think, having been a young person, it is a good idea not to strategically place oneself next to the person you hope to marry in hopes of such an order, but neither do I think one is required to take a flying allergic leap from anyone of the opposite gender in that situation]

And honestly, I think our young people need to be wise, not just about their intent, but about the perceptions of a person of the opposite gender. This impacts the way we dress, of course, but it also includes the way we touch or don't touch each other, saving seats, even the way we talk to and tease and look at each other. I'm a big prude, ok. Just call it that. But a girl needs to be aware of the impression she is giving a boy. Vice versa. It's called Not-causing-your-brother-or-sister-to-stumble. It's also called not being a tease. We're responsible for our actions. If your intent is to keep your heart pure unto the Lord and save yourself, body, mind, and soul, for your mate, then do your level best not to give some poor soul any other impression.

Your heart is yours. My heart is mine. I choose everyday to keep myself for the Lord and for the husband He has given me. The rules are the same. Make good choices now; have good marriage later.