Update: 8 months

Eight months ago we became the tentative parents of our eleventh child, given to us by the Lord through adoption. I talked to someone recently about adoption, someone who also had a number of children biologically, and she asked me the same question I asked another adoptive parent when I was thinking about adoption: Does your adopted child really feel like your child?

The answer is a resounding yes. She is mine. As if she were flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. Lying in my arms right now, sleeping, her beautiful long eyelashes, her hand reached up touching my face, being sure of me, she is mine. She reaches for me from other people's arms. She lights up when she sees me and quiets when she hears me sing. She cries when I walk away and explodes with joy when I come back. She is my daughter.

She has part of my heart all day and all night. Her eternity is, in part, my responsibility. And she fits just right under my chin.

It is strange to think, and too high for me, that God made her with the reproductive cells of people who didn't intend to make a child, and knit her in a womb of one who felt she could not best be her mother, and formed her from eternity in His heart for me. I am her mother. She is my daughter, my child, my pride and joy, my love, my treasure.

In some ways she is different than my other children. Her tender skin and hair need a different kind of care. Her hunger is satisfied not by milk made by me. And when she cries it breaks my heart. My other kids can cry, and I am okay with it. Not her. Her cry puts me on high alert from anywhere. I will not let her cry. Not when there is something she needs that I can give her.

I'm not saying I spoil her, or that she won't learn to wait for things - in a family our size, she will not forever remain the happy center of the universe. But having been there when she was born and tiny and not breathing, she has my heart. I love this baby girl.

I make a continuous effort to make sure I still get her as often as possible. This is tricky because technically she doesn't need me, and her fussy, cranky, always hungry baby brother does. She can go to anyone. She is a happy, content, easy girl. But even though she is easy to please, she really wants me, loves me, her mama. She is happiest with me or her daddy. So if you happen to be close by, and are wanting a baby to hold, it is easy to give her to you, I know she won't fuss, but I'd rather give you him. Because even though she doesn't need my milk, she needs ME.

Because I am hers, and she is mine.