Rejection

(Originally written 11/20/2010)

The response of the world to a babe with down syndrome, as I am learning, is to reject it. They abort it, if they know about it, in 90+% of the cases. That means for every baby you know of with Ds, you should know another several, because for every baby born (whose parents knew ahead of time of the diagnosis) 9 or so were murdered in utero.

Not only that, but I read last night that (anecdotally - no stats on this one) that sometimes pediatric cardiologists offer as an option to new parents of babies born with the heart defect that some 25% of babies with Ds have, to forego the surgery needed to fix it, even though the success rate for the surgery is 95%, and even though most babies who need the surgery and don't get it die within a year, and most don't live very much longer. And some parents choose this.

They reject it. The world REJECTS babies with down syndrome as a lesser human, less desirable. They call it bad.

Obviously, in the body of Christ, we don't do that. We don't abort babies. But sometimes, some responses to my probable Ds pregnancy feel like a rejection. It feels like those blank stares, those promises to pray for a normal baby, feels like they feel the same way the world does about a baby with downs. Like they want to reject it too. And because of how I feel about that baby already, sometimes it feels like people are rejecting that which I perceive as God's perfect plan for me, rejecting what may be a difficult but fruitful road ahead of me, rejecting my LESS DESIRABLE blessing.

And if we lived in a Darwinian world, Godless, where things just happen, sperm meets egg, practicing "unprotected" albeit marital sex, I might be inclined to agree with someone who feels that way. I'm in over my head. I have so many children, I ought to live in a shoe. 10 kids is hard, adopting is hard, adopting trans-racially is harder, adopting when you are pregnant is ridiculous, and having a baby when I'm 39 and therefore at greater risk for chromosomal anomaly is unwise. If we get stuck with a hard kid, oh well, but we'd be silly to want it.

But such is not our outlook. God sat as King at the flood. He sits as King forever. He is great and mighty. He knits babies together before we ever know it is happening.

My brother and his family have worked in Kenya as missionaries and have a relationship with a woman named Betty there who has HIV. She wasn't born with HIV. I'm pretty sure it wasn't because of a blood transfusion. I don't know if she knew how she got it, but she does have it. The crazy thing is, she calls it a talent (as in the parable of the talents). Her HIV is a talent she uses to lead people to Christ. It's the craziest thing.

I have a dear friend who has a daughter with spina bifida. She sees it as the perfect way God designed her daughter. God made Selah so that she cannot use her legs or go to the bathroom in the typical way. She has had many surgeries and complications. But God wasn't sleeping or on vacation or out to lunch when Selah's spine was being formed. In that hidden secret place of the womb that we can't really touch or understand or influence, except by prayer or negatively with drugs, God knows exactly what He is doing. God works all things together for our good.

My friends want what's best for me. They do not want to see their overwhelmed friend be more overwhelmed. They would not wish difficulty for me. In their compassion for me, they would prefer to see us have a typical baby. I understand that and appreciate it. I would not have wished HIV on Betty or spina bifida on my friend's daughter. But I see the goodness of God that has happened through these hard things.

A mother of 10 whose youngest has a spare chromosome said something like this: "God could have made us so that any chromosomal anomaly was fatal. He didn't, and I think He had a reason for it. I think He wanted those people here for a reason, so that we can learn from them." I agree with her. And if He has chosen us to have such a child, such a privilege, such an honor - I will just be ready to see His faithfulness EXPLODE!