Higher than my ways

(Originally written 11/6/2010)

So we found out we have some "markers" for Down's Syndrome. Well, we also think we have some things we call 'spiritual' markers. And one of the big ones for me is the unique ways God has prepared our hearts to be parents of a little guy with an extra chromosome, using our adoption process. I'm not saying we adopted our baby girl just so we could be ready for our downsy guy (don't know its a guy, don't know if its downs, just think so). I think we adopted her so we could be her parents. But God is a great multitasker!

1. Through our adoption process, we had several long heart to heart conversations about what kind of baby we would be willing to take. Drug impacted, fetal alcohol syndrome, physical disabilities, potential to never live independently . . . we talked at length about all kinds of things we had never considered before. Multiple times, we said yes to God about babies who had the potential to be, well, hard. A scripture God gave us very early on by means of confirmation was Matthew 18:5, "whoever receives one of these little children in My Name, receiveth Me." Because we had this preparation, when we were told about the markers indicating the possibility of Down syndrome, we were not really thrown, especially compared to how we might have reacted a year ago to the same news.

2. When we adopted our girl, she spent a week in the nicu. With any of my other babies, I did not handle well any time I had a baby who was not with me, whether in a warming bed, under a bili light, whatever - I would really not take it well. But now, I think maybe I can handle a baby who needs special care. I'm ready, in a way I would not have been.

3. Speaking of NICU, I had previously spent only hours visiting my nieces in NICUs. I was not comfortable in them and pretty overwhelmed. Now, if our little guy needs extra care, which more than half probably do, I can take it.

4. Furthermore, when my friend recently had a baby in OUR nicu, I found out that my hospital has a GREAT NICU!! Fabulous. We will be ok.

5. Nursing. Up till now, my struggles with nursing have been limited to a couple early arriving girls who didn't want to nurse because they were sleepy and jaundiced. But we have learned a whole lot about feeding challenges and bottles and supplemental nursing systems, etc, and I feel ready to handle a challenge in that department as well.

I'm not saying I know all there is to know. I'm saying my heart is significantly more ready than it would have been a year ago.

I have been wondering about God's timing in this whole season. Why would He give me 2 babies 5 months apart? I may have an answer. Talking to a dear friend with an adult son with downs, she said that not only will a child with Ds do well in our house because of the wealth of siblings, but he will be especially benefited by having a sibling so very near to push him on! Who knew? Well, God knew. Isn't He amazing?

My husband has been hearing from God. I know it's God, because his whole face changes when he talks about it. God is saying things like, "I do not make mistakes. This is not an accident. I am trusting you. This is a reward."

I also feel God breathing strength in me, talking about enlarging our territory.

Little things. #3 daughter has been saying for months "it will be well with you, with the baby in your tummy." Finding out that a dear friend can be our care coordinator for First Steps, and getting information and comfort from her about that whole thing (which I had feared). Meeting a mom of a little guy at soccer the week after we found out. Getting to see my friend's newborn 2 days after our 1st ultrasound. Telling my eldest and having her say, yeah, mom, I thought so. She went back and read her prayer journal from when we found out we were expecting, sure enough, God was speaking to her then. A camp friend I had lost touch with for nearly 20 years and re-found last Christmas (thank you facebook) whose sixth child has downs.

We feel fairly sure this is where God is taking us, and that it is GOOD. We are not afraid. Does that mean it will surely happen? No, of course not. But it means that if it does, God has uniquely prepared us to receive this kind of blessing, and for that I am so very grateful.