A year ago today

A year ago today I was different than I am now.

I thought adoption was something I could not do, or would at least have to wait until my children were older.

I thought perhaps 10 children was all I would have.

I did not know how powerfully God could speak through my children.

I was unaware of the blessing that Down syndrome can be.

I did not know what amazing young men and women my older children would be today.

I would not have believed that today I would be holding a beautiful baby girl with long black eyelashes, warm brown skin and curly black hair, or that she would have such an amazing smile and would laugh when she sees me.

I did not know I'd spend 12 life changing days 12 hours away getting to know other people in another world, or how much I'd miss my people back home to the point that my heart would almost break.

I didn't know that my older children would blossom in the areas of music and prayer as they participate in their worship training set.

I didn't know the next generation of children in my life would grow up so much and take on leadership qualities of their own.

I have learned much about baby formula, premature baby, nicu time, nursing, adoption, empathy and loving than I ever thought there was to know.

I have developed some marvelous new friendships in the last year, and have also deepened friendships that I've had for years.

In the last year I have learned some about heartache and betrayal, some about depression and weakness, some about failure and trudging.

I am also more convinced than I was a year ago today that God is gracious, holy, mighty, kind, and ever present in my heart.