It's beginning to look a lot like . . .

Christmas

I am getting excited.

The tree is up, lit, and covered with wads of cotton and 20+ years of accumulated ornaments, both bought and home made, fragile ones near the top, the rest in toddler arm's reach are being removed and rearranged during all waking hours. There are a couple other decorations around, including a stained glass tree minus its star (I broke that off myself) and a frosted glass nativity I bought in college, are placed with fear and trembling around the house, awaiting their imminent demolition.

I have a loaded up Amazon.com cart, waiting for me to pull the final trigger. The UPS guy left a pile of stuff on my porch yesterday. I am a couple short trips away from being the cause of extreme happiness for most of my children.

The goal, of course, is for all 13 of them to be equally happy, for each of them to feel like they are mom's favorite and like they got the best deal for Christmas. But they don't all need/want the same things in the same proportions and at the same cost as each other. It is easier and cheaper to make a small person happy than a large one, but they don't stay happy as long. We are seriously considering wrapping some toys we already have for the little openers, because all they really want is to open things.

I am trying to consider what we want Christmas morning to be like at our house.

Part of me would like to have a nice, real, sit down breakfast. But I would have to make it, and nobody would eat much of it, since they will be eating candy from their stockings. Instead, we will probably put "nutritional" things in their socks, like poptarts or granola bars, in hopes that they will inhale some flour and oats with their sugar consumption.

I guess it could be a brunchy thing, make a big breakfast after, but the other problems are still true, me cooking, nobody eating.

What I want is intimacy. Relationships. Family. I purchase things to give to the person my child is, to celebrate his and her likes and tastes and dreams and challenges. I want to be with them and enjoy their joy.

Last year we went to church on Christmas morning (because it was Sunday) and came home and opened presents. I was a wreck, because my main present to my husband was a positive pregnancy test. I had kept the secret for a couple weeks and was exhausted and about to explode.

Today I'm holding the human that was represented by that "b.f.p." And he is fabulous. But I have no such surprises prepared for this year.

I have, in other years, been very focused on the spiritual end of things, giving to the least of these, Jesus' birthday, getting Bibles and such for the kids. But this year I'm not, honestly. I am just enjoying my children. Giving good gifts to my children, loving them for this moment, knowing it will pass. It may not sound very lofty, very super. I am just excited, like every mom and dad, to see the happy faces in three weeks and have my children realize again that their mom and dad love them, in part because we bless them with special treasures, gifts that show we know them and know what they like.