Looking forward

Maybe everybody's like this. I don't know. I'm just me. So I can only speak with certainty about me. And me, I, am like this: I like to look ahead.

I have lived my memorable life this way. Getting through *whatever* for the sake of the carrot. I even set myself up for this artificially. I can have a steamer in the evening (cup of hot milk with artificially sweetened creamer in it) if I eat and drink appropriately the rest of the day. I am going to eat healthy until such-and-such a day then party till I puke, or wish I could.

It's not just an eating thing. Vacations, date nights, parties, Christmas!!! We (it is we, right, not just me?) live for what's ahead.

So here we are in the whir of the holiday season. We call it the holiday season because there is a cluster of big ones all together. We celebrate Thanksgiving, which is mostly about family and eating and football. Then before we get ourselves really back in order, or even unpacked, in my case, we start celebrating Christmas, which is about Jesus and/or the fat man and shopping and eating and friends and family and presents and movies and music and candy and decorations and trees and maybe snow or maybe not. And immediately, before we have a chance to return the stomach pump we rented and the ugly sweaters we'll say just didn't fit, it's time to celebrate the new year, which is about getting a new calendar and staying up abnormally late and watching horrible tv and drinking and kissing and a big red ball or apple or something dropping in New York and Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest and resolutions and fresh starts and Barry Manilow and Auld Lang Syne, whatever that means. Most of us don't even try to be productive between those two holidays.

Looking ahead is certainly part of our culture, if not the human experience. And I'm bad about it. I NEED something to look forward to. It's one of the reasons I enjoy being pregnant. I look forward to my appointments (yes I really do, maybe because I get to leave the house, mostly alone, and listen to anything I want on the radio), and I love counting down the days till I get to meet my new human.

Part of post-partum depression is that our whole lives are focused on this build up of anticipation and then it happens, either the way we thought it would, or not, and we are left with sleep deprivation, a needy human, some overwhelmedness at the flowing of bodily fluids everywhere, and Absolutely Nothing To Look Forward To, because we're never leaving the house again.

So I'm a pretty happy camper right now, with so much to look forward to. I have special dates on the calendar, special treats to make and eat, and special treasures I have specially selected for the most special people in my world. I can't wait to see their faces. Isn't that special?

And this morning when I got up to pray, I was thinking about how good it was to have coffee with my friend last night, and mentally reviewing the calendar, scanning forward to the next thing.

And I felt the Lord say, very clearly, 'I want to be what you look forward to'.

Okay.

So I went to pray. And I was singing. Frankly, a lot of my praying is singing. Jesus likes that about me. And the song in my heart was by my friend Alyssa Berwick, who reminds me of me 20 years ago except that she is eversomuch better at all of it. Here are the words, but you'd really have to hear it.

You are worthy, You are worthy
You are worthy to be praised
Oh Jesus, You are worthy

Jesus Your blood ran red
Jesus Your blood ran down
Jesus Your blood was shed for the sins of the whole world

Now we've got joy never-ending because we've been forgiven
We've got life everlasting and all of our healing
We've got peace like a river flowing from heaven
You've made us free

And it's a great song. I already loved that song, now it's my anthem. But I have to say, it wasn't the song so much as it was the God-Man Jesus. He flooded my space. I could have jumped, I could have laughed, I could have danced all night. He is simply more wonderful and awesome and able and worthy than I can fathom.

And I just have to say, I am looking forward to every second I get to be with Him today. I am excited about this Jesus and everything He is saying and everything He is doing and going to do and has done. In Him was life and the life was the light of the world, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten of the Father. (from John 1)

Now, what are you looking forward to?